So, what is shadow work?
It’s a term that’s been used loosely for a while now—thrown around like a hot potato, passed from person to person without much care for what it actually means.
To me, shadow work is rooted in reflection. It’s the act of being radically honest with yourself about the parts of you that are easiest to ignore and hardest to face. The things you tuck away because they feel uncomfortable, embarrassing, or inconvenient.
It’s looking directly at the behaviors you wish you didn’t repeat. The traits you criticize yourself for having. The skills you feel ashamed are still underdeveloped. Not to punish yourself for them—but to finally acknowledge they exist.
Shadow work isn’t so much about digging at yourself as it is exploring yourself. A great place to start is simple curiosity.
Let yourself notice your patterns—your behaviors, your reactions, the thoughts you keep repeating. That alone is a powerful first step. And when you hit a moment of shame, disgust, or self-judgment, don’t stop there. Pause and ask: Why does this part of me feel so unacceptable? What am I afraid it says about who I am underneath all the roles, coping mechanisms, and “fabrications” I’ve had to build to get by?
Shadow work is healing because it doesn’t come in swinging with a verdict. It doesn’t judge you or pretend it already knows your story. It’s more like a steady presence that will sit with you in the dark. Like a mirror held up long enough for you to actually see yourself—clearly.
And no—this isn’t about “fixing” yourself. Shadow work is about integration. It’s about bringing the parts of you you’ve hidden into the light, not to shame them, but to understand them and make room for them to exist. You might never like certain parts of yourself. But you do have to stop banishing them, because what we try to bury tends to come back louder.
For example: maybe you notice you carry a lot of anger underneath it all. If you keep suppressing it, it doesn’t disappear—it just leaks out sideways, or explodes at the wrong time over something small. And sometimes the anger is confusing. You might not even know what it’s really about.
This is where shadow work can help. Pay attention to what triggers you. Track the pattern. Then sit with yourself and start connecting the dots. If a specific behavior in someone else consistently sets you off, ask yourself honestly: Does it remind me of something in me? Something I do, something I’ve done, or something I was never allowed to express?
Shadow work is often about finding answers, not instant solutions. Answers you can work with. But they only show up when you’re willing to be completely honest with yourself.
The goal isn’t to become a person who never feels anger. The goal is to become a person who understands what their anger is protecting.
What often goes unnoticed is what happens immediately after anger shows up. Anger is loud and outward-facing, and when it’s expressed, it tends to trigger defensiveness in others. The moment becomes about reaction instead of understanding. In that exchange, the deeper feeling the anger is protecting never actually gets felt.
But if you could pause—just for a moment—before acting on the anger, something else often rises to the surface. Maybe it’s hurt. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s the familiar ache of not being seen, not being safe, or not being respected. This feeling is usually quieter and far more vulnerable than anger, which is exactly why it gets overshadowed.
Letting that feeling fully rise, without immediately pushing it away or projecting it outward, is one of the keys to understanding your anger. That feeling carries information. It tells you what you’re actually protecting, what feels threatened, and what still needs care.
From there, the work becomes gentler. With compassion and practice, this understanding can soften the grip anger has on you. Not all at once—and not by force—but gradually. As safety and clarity increase, the anger no longer has to work as hard to protect you.
Shadow work isn’t about tearing yourself apart or forcing change before you’re ready. It’s about learning how to stay present with yourself long enough to understand what’s really happening beneath the surface. When you pause, listen, and allow the truth of your experience to rise without judgment, you begin to build a different kind of relationship with yourself—one rooted in honesty rather than control.
The goal isn’t to eliminate uncomfortable emotions like anger, fear, or shame. The goal is to understand what they’re trying to tell you. When those emotions no longer have to fight for your attention, they often soften on their own. Not because you made them disappear, but because you finally gave them space to exist.
Shadow work is a practice of self-trust. Of learning that you can face what’s inside you without being consumed by it. And while clarity doesn’t come all at once, each moment of curiosity and compassion creates a little more room to breathe. That, in itself, is healing.